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Staying true to my vision

                                 
Making the decision to have WLS (weight loss surgery) isn't an easy one, for me anyway.  I mean, I knew when it might be a possibility I really wanted to do it, and if I didn't read anymore information or talk to anybody, it probably would be an easy decision, but I do read and talk.  I have been doing research since January 2018, like really deep research, from just googling it, to following every person I can find on social media who has anything to do with it, to reading blogs, to joining groups, to reading books, to talking to people I know that have had it, to actually talking to the surgeon.  Even though my mind is made up, you have to convince the people around you that its a good idea, at least I thought I did.  Most of the people in my life (that are close to me) aren't overweight; if they are its like at most 20 pounds they need to lose, so they can't REALLY understand.  Although some try and are excited for me, nobody really knows what this means TO me and FOR me.  A longer life is #1 which should be a get on board ticket immediately but people don't like change, I like change, but most people don't, its just human nature.  Having a husband who likes you just the way you are is GREAT, it just takes some real communication to see the bigger picture.  Having a dad who will love you no matter what you look like and only fears you possibly dying, is understandable, so even though I can give him all the same material as I have, it won't matter.  Don't get me wrong, nobody is saying DO NOT DO THIS, but due to not understanding my weight issues and the overall effect of a surgery like this, there are lots of sad eyes and worried words.  Weight has always been a sensitive subject to me and I don't talk much about it because of that.  Luckily, I "have a pretty face" as most like to say, so I haven't got much slack about being overweight, but of course there has been some.  Enough to always have it in the back of my head.  Enough to make me question whether I should have a child or not for fear of passing that gene on to him/her.  Just enough to mess with me and honestly, dieting since age 13, has also messed with me.  I gain weight QUICK, real quick, before I even know it, it always comes back and thats why I chose to have this surgery.  I know I can lose weight with a lot of work put in but my fear of always putting it back on is real.  This tool will not only help me get all the extra pounds off but it will help me keep it off.  It was so strange to me when people would ask "well what about when you can't eat this or that?"  I actually don't care if I ever eat one particular thing again or not but that shows me they don't get it.  The surgery I am getting will eventually allow me to eat whatever I want, in a tiny portion.  The point is to get the most use out of it but its a life long thing so as long as I make smart decisions and I stay active, everything will work out and my health will be the best it has ever been.  The chances of actually dying are SLIM but you know, anything can happen, but if I stay the way I am it takes like 20 yeas off of my life and I am high risk for life threatening diseases, including having a way higher risk of getting cancer, so thats that.  The surgery is less than one hour.  I don't want an IV, I don't want a catheter, I am scared that I will be in pain and be sick for a little bit, I don't want to stay a night in the hospital, and I don't want to not be able to lift Evie for two weeks BUT after I heal, amazing things are going to happen.  My dad always said to me "Megan, you just weren't made to be small," and I think a part of me believed him but the other part of me says JUST WATCH ME!  I would be lying if I said that everything people have said to me doesn't make me second guess what I am doing and I would be lying if I said I didn't want to make people eat their words.

There are some days I look at myself and I think "you look good" so maybe I don't need to change but whether I think I look good or not, that BMI isn't good.  I don't have a goal weight, I have a goal BMI which is a healthy 25 (my BMI currently is 40)  Prayers, good vibes, and cheerleaders are always welcome, 2019 is going to be awesome.

                                      

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