Addiction

I have been thinking a lot on food addiction which is the reason why a lot of people are overweight and although I can admit that I am a victim of this, to myself, I can't say it out loud to anybody.  I have never had an addictive personality, meaning I don't get addicted to things easily, or so I thought. I guess my entire life I have had this addiction and in ways, it is like the people I have been following on social media but in ways it is not.  I don't turn to food when I am angry or sad but I do celebrate with food, for example, when it is a birthday or anniversary, we go out to eat.  I think a lot of people do that but I want to change that for me, I want to celebrate with push ups LOL JK but I do want to change it.  I also don't eat that much food at one time, but I often think about my next meal soon after.  My husband, who doesn't have a food addiction, doesn't think about meals, doesn't plan meals, and  doesn't have a preference what we eat.  I want to be like that one day, it is definitely hard to be like that when you have kids that need fed and who are constantly wanting SNACKS, but long term wise, its a goal.  I don't know why its hard to admit this, maybe because its something new that I am processing, but I know that my head has to get in the right place so that after surgery,  I am as successful as possible.  I imagine that right after surgery it is pretty easy to stay on track because you have a limited diet of liquids and soft foods but this has got to be forever and I won't be on a liquid diet forever, not even for 6 months.  I want to learn to fuel my body with nutritious stuff and not think  about all the bad stuff I could eat.  I want to get through a week without waiting for Saturday's cheat meal.  Some people see a therapist for this and I think it's the reason for the required psych eval in the beginning (mine was useless-tune into my next YouTube video to hear all about that)   I also want to some how make sure my children aren't addicted to food, but I don't know how I became addicted to it, so how can I help them?  I feel like every 5 minutes of the day they are hungry, and I don't know if its because they have a problem like me, or if its because they are growing, or if this is just what kids do, and if it is JUST WHAT KIDS DO, at what age is it a problem?  Probably daily I think about how to help Evie not have a life I have lived but on the other hand, I have had a pretty freakin good life.  By life I mean, weight issues.  People pick her up and always say UGH HOW MUCH DOES THIS KID WEIGH.....and my heart breaks a little each time.  They laugh and she doesn't know what they are saying, but one day she will....one day she will catch everything everybody says, one day her heart will break a little each time.  I PRAY ALL THE TIME that she actually won't have these one day scenarios because she won't have these issues and I do my best to tell her everyday how wonderful, beautiful, perfect, and smart she is so she knows that no matter how she turns out to be, she knows her worth.  This stuff is hard, really hard, weight and parenting.  I want to be the best example for them and I am going to beat this addiction so that I can show them a long healthy life.

28 days